Strippers and Santa Claus

So a friend of mine (could've been an ex-"i.t." guy, but I'm not saying) says, dude your getting pretty stale in your writing. You need to hire a prostitute or something to spice it up. Well for many's a reason, I ain't gonna do that and (somewhere back in my pea brain) I was kinda feeling that myself (the stale part that is). Well, I went to an early show to check out a band and kinda "did that deal". Nothing that I wanna write about that would interest any of you and then it hit me, I'm gonna go to a strip joint and actually talk to the DJ there about music. What he plays, why he plays it, etc... . I really (not knowing much about art of strip club dj-ing) thought that he'd be mixing and shit and it'd be like all these turn tables and all kinds of that cool DJ "stuff". O.k., as a kid I have to admit I went through a small period of enjoying strip clubs (just like 10 or so years) but one day it hit me (a LOT later than most) that they just wanted me for my money. It was like somebody told me that there was no Santa Clause. Well, damn near from that day forward it was not my thing anymore. I'd go with friends for bach parties and stuff but I was just not into it. SO I go tonight. I pay my $15 and get in (cheaper than Stoney Larue :)). I'm thinking how the hell am I gonna engage the mixer so I walk in and just walk straight over to the booth and introduce myself and tell him what I'm doing (like he cared or really believed me). He's a nice guy and tells me he's from Houston and had a Country/Rock band back there and I'm like hell yeah, I'm IN! That was EASY! He then pulls up a song on his computer, hands me some headphones and wants me to hear something that he wrote and sang. Is there ANYwhere on earth that don't have someone with a country song that they wanna play you? On my death bed I think the last faint view I will have is one of a nurse or doctor trying to hand me a CD to listen to in the after-life (hopefully it'll be an up-tempo positive one). So back to the song, it's a really sad song that he'd been asked to write about someone dying. I'm standing there listening while these sweet (I assume they're sweet, they were to me) girls are spreading there "lives' from Beaumont to El Paso on the other side of the mix desk. It was just a little tough to focus on death and dying during that specific moment. SO as far as DJ-ing at this strip club, he's telling me that there's not a lot of flexibility in what he picks and there's no mixing involved, the management has certain types of music they wanna have played and very little of it country music (though I did hear "Sideways", which was appropriate in the way the nice girl on the center stage was workin it on "the pole"). Well the manager came over pretty quickly after that and broke up our little party. I don't think the DJ was all that sad (at all), he was trying to que up songs, talk into the mic about what Bambi's gonna take off next (only being like 2 options to start with) and then introducing who the next dancer's gonna be (in addition to dealing with the sweet girls who come back to the DJ booth). Anyway's he's like "nice to meet you" and I gotta get back work (you freak). Well, I couldn't exactly sulk and leave immediately so I sat there while the parade of dancers asked me if I wanted a dance... . After while, they just get pissed so I finally told one, how about if I give you a 20 and you can just "take a break". As a kid I remember that smell just sticking on you like the smell of fish or maybe onions is a more appropriate way to say it. You just can't wash that perfume shit off easily! I left right before the "dollar dances" started where I guess some people try to (as Pac Man Jones would say) "Make it rain". That's exactly how it happened, SWEAR be DAMNED! Tomorrow night will be MUCH better and my great experiment to break up the monotony is over (for now). All that to say don't go to a strip joint for musical inspiration. I'll now be going back to traditional music clubs. It's cheaper seeing as you don't have to pay someone $20 not to rub their woowoo on you (cuz there is no Santa Clause). Apologies for the offended.

p.s., It just hit me that there was no 2 stepping there last night. 1st time that's happened in Texas! Go figure and I still felt a little out of place. Club Revue. It was a strip joint. Think of one and you've got the picture.